Notes regarding the following Odyssey of Biblical Psalms

In the spring of the year 2001 my primary physician noted an unexpected sound within my lungs and referred me to a pulmonologist. The diagnosis was Interstitial Lung Disease leading to Pulmonary Fibrosis. A Chest CT Scan and a Video Assisted Thoroscopy of one lung confirmed the diagnosis. The initial treatment of the disease is a heavy dose of hydrocortisone (prednisone). It was during the initial stages of the treatment that I sought wisdom from the Scriptures and started examination of what appeared to be relevant Psalms and creating my own "Expressions of the Psalms."

I have hesitated to call my work on the Psalms a translation and instead I have come up with the concept of "Expressions of Biblical Psalms." My methodology is as follows. As my basic text I use the Tanakh-The Holy Scriptures a translation prepared by The Jewish Publication Society. I chose this translation because I am the webmaster for author Chaim Potok who was the secretary of the committee that translated the Kethuvim, which includes the Psalms. The translation is accessible and direct. Line by line I express the original work in my own words. Occasionally I will add or simplify something for balance, but my goal is to put each line into my own words using analogies, concepts and metaphors relevant to me. A wider departure from the text would be when I may define "the foe" as "disease" and then proceed from that perspective. The net result is that the logical progression of the argument and the flow of the structure is still that of the original author, but the words are now in my contemporary vocabulary.

Since this is my odyssey one should start at the beginning, which in this case is the last psalm, L'Chaim. After learning about my disease I decided to write a piece that attempted to express the experiences, hopes and fears of a person suffering from lung disease. They tell me, and I am only beginning to sense this, that there is a special fellowship among those that have lung disease. It fundamentally changes ones thinking and behavior when one recognizes that ones capacity to breath and to live is decreasing each day as the ability to receive and utilize oxygen diminishes. You will note that I call the piece, L'Chaim, which is a Jewish expression meaning "To Life." It is a popular Jewish greeting among friends. A wedding toast. The piece was not meant to be morbid or depressing, but an expression of life from the perspective a diseased patient.

I shared the little psalm with a close friend who was in the Loma Linda University Medical Center and he said, "Bill, this is good. You should share it with your family so they can read it at your funeral." That's the kind of statement only a close friend can make to another friend. In this case, a friend became a close friend by sharing such a personal suggestion. I'm not planning a funeral! I prefer memorial services to funerals, and furthermore, at this point we neither know how fast the disease is progressing nor if it can be arrested. I have no sense of impending doom or conclusion. However, my friend added another thought, "You should put your family into the poem."

That evening I set out to put my family into the poem. After deciding to add my close family, who consist of my wife, my daughter, and my son, I recalled that on previous occasions I had made a special effort to include the three elements of the Trinity into my psalms. The idea struck me that I might be able to fuse the three elements of the trinity with my three family members. Over a period of about 10 minutes I wrote the three sections related to my family and the Trinity. Interesting things were put on paper. It is obvious that my son would correspond to the Son of God, but the other two are more nuance. As I looked back over my work I wasn't certain just what was meant by certain phrases. It has taken me considerable effort to tease out the meaning of what I had written! It was an emotional experience to look back at the piece and see it in its totality.

With the added material in L'Chaim I started writing my expressions of the various Psalms that seemed to speak to my condition, but now I had a new lexicon. Words like son, spirit, wind, breath, had meaning for me as defined in L'Chaim and the expressions took on a sense of personal communication from the Divine. As various Psalms written by David, Moses and others were being expressed in my experience and words I felt as if I was receiving direct instruction as perhaps the original authors had received when they wrote.

With this explanation, I invite the reader to drop to the bottom of the page and read L'Chaim and then return to the beginning of "An Odyssey of Biblical Psalms." I expect L'Chaim to stay at the bottom of the page, because, as my friend realized, it is a concluding spiritual testament.

One last note. You will see the dates and places where the work was done. Each expression was written in the early hours of the morning, because that was the theme I was reviewing. You will also note that I kept rolling forward in the Psalms until another Psalm caught my eye. Once I reached the end I started back at the beginning of the Psalms looking for more. I think I see an interesting pattern in the sequence of Psalms and it wasn't structured by me! (07/09/01)

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Psalm 39

I resolved to hold back my words

lest I offend another with my speech

I would keep my mouth muzzled

while in the presence of my physician

I remained silent and kept my composure

while I received my diagnosis

My mind, however, was racing

my thoughts were enflamed.

I cried out to the Lord

tell me Lord, how long I have to live?

What Lord is my expected life span?

Lord, how many months, how many years?

A lifetime here is but an eye blink

it's a span that's nothing to you

No man lives beyond one breath

without air there is no life.

Man walks about as a mere shadow

futile is his hustle and bustle

Planting and not knowing who will reap

investing and another collecting.

What then, Lord, can I count on

in what can I rely

It is on you Lord, I depend

in you my hope is found.

Deliver me from this malady

and from the consequences of this world

I'm made breathless by this disease

but is this the way it must be?

Remove this scourge from me

before I perish from it

Is the conclusion of living

dying by ones own immune system?

Unable to use the air you have given

unable to take another breath.

Hear Oh Lord, my prayer

hear me when I call out to you

Do not ignore my pleas, listen to me

press your stethoscope to my chest

For I'm an alien in this world

no different from my ancestors

Bless me that I may recover

before I gasp my last breath.

July 3, 2001
Sunriver, OR

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Psalm 46

God is my retreat and sheltering haven

always near in times of struggle

Giving me confidence and even optimism

through the difficult times of life

Though the physical body assail me

though personal relationships fail

Though I face the loss of a loved one

and the certainty of my own fate.

A river of life flows in God's garden retreat

a place where God and I meet together

It is God's presence that makes it special

at the daily dawning of consciousness

The very God that created the natural world

and controls the natural elements.

The Ancient of Days comes to meet with me

The God of Jacob comes to commune.

Come my son, and experience the Lord

how one of such mighty power

One who can control the natural world

and stop nations in their tracks

Who can utterly destroy human habitation

comes to command our attention.

The Lord of Hosts comes to stroll with us

The God of Jacob is our retreat.

Amen

Dedicated to my son Gregory William Allen
Sunriver, OR
July 4, 2001

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Psalm 84

How lovely is our meeting place

O Lord of all life

I long to be in your presence

I tremble with joy to be here with you.

Even the humming bird is comfortable here

and the eagles soar overhead

he builds a nest for her young here

in the quiet retreat of my Lord.

Serene are those who stroll here with you

they will forever praise you.

Happy is the one who finds shelter here

whose mind is always direct heavenward

They pass through the Garden of Eden

an oasis with palm, springs, and birds

a place blessed daily by morning dew.

They go from landmark to landmark

quietly meeting here with their Creator.

Oh Lord, God of all living

hear my prayer this morning

Lend me your ear

O God of Jacob.

O God, behold by son

visit him and anoint him

I linger a few more moments here with you

better by far than a thousand elsewhere

Moments spent alone with you

than all the world has to offer.

For you O Lord, are my whole life

giving me security, hope and serenity

For you give abundantly to those

who constantly dwell in your presence

O Lord, God of all living

I'm a happy man.

Amen

Sunriver, OR
July 5, 2001

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Psalm 90

A Psalm of Moses

 

O Lord, You have been my shelter and retreat.

Before the continents emerged from the sea

Even before our solar system was born

from eternity to eternity, You are God.

The destiny of man is the grave

You have ordered our return to dust

For in your paradigm a thousand years

is like the day just past, a night watch

At night men are engulfed in sleep

renewed at daybreak like the grass

Flourish anew at the dawn

wither at dusk and dry up

So we are frightened by your anger

terror-struck by your fury

You have brought my sins under review

hidden things have come to light

My days move on in perplexity

years have passed by like a sigh

The span of my life will be seventy years

or given strength, perhaps eighty

but many will be filled with challenges

But they pass by quickly, cat-like

who can know what you have in mind?

Your plans are hidden from me

behind a diaphanous veil

Teach me to use my time wisely

hat I may grow in your grace and serenity.

Well, O Lord, tell me

How long do I have?

Show mercy on me

and be just to Your servant

Fill me at daybreak with your love

that I may share this joy with others

Match my days of affliction

with days of joy with my family

Let Your deeds be seen through me

bringing glory to my children's children

May the favor of the Lord be upon me

let my daily work for You prosper

Let the efforts of my life

be the work of your hands, O Lord

Amen

Ontario, OR
July 6,2001

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Psalm 103

Blessed is my Lord, O my soul

my entire being, my holy God

Blessed is my Lord, O my spirit

I acknowledge your anointing.

You have forgiven my sins

and healed my diseases

You have saved my life from the grave

enfolding me in your love and mercy

In the prime of my life you reached out to me

renewing my life like an eagle.

In the past when I have been wronged

You balanced the scales of justice

You first revealed yourself to me

through the Hebrew scriptures

Becoming my compassionate and gracious Lord

being patient with me, steadfast in love

You did not force yourself upon me

and gently drew me by your grace

You could have dealt with me more harshly

and punished me according to my sins

But as the space is far beyond the earth

so the depth of your love has been for me

As far as the east is from the west

you have removed my sins from me

As I have compassion for my sons and daughters

so your compassion has been for me

For you know my physical and psychological make up

and you have remembered my humanity.

The human life span is like that of the grass

an adult career shoots forth and blossoms

A man works four decades and retires

seemingly leaving no trace behind

But my Lord's persistent love is eternal

toward those of us who have known Him

Extending to my children's children

as they continue to walk in His ways

The Lord has established His authority in my life

and I accept His sovereignty (and they will too).

Blessed is the Lord, O holy angels

as you execute His commands

subjects who do His will

Blessed is the Lord, all creation

throughout the breadth of His realm

Blessed is the Lord, O my soul

blessed is Your spirit within me.

Amen

Caldwell, ID
July 7, 2001

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Psalm 143

O Lord, I must speak with you

please hear what I have to say

answer me, my faithful Companion.

Carefully consider Your judgment

I'm thankful for your attention.

My health concerns challenge me

as do also those of my wife

Our ailments challenge us as never before

they appear to be life threatening

My naturally optimistic spirit is threatened

my mind is unable to rationalize.

But, then I remembered Your leading in the past

recounted our experiences with You

recalled our relationship over the years.

I reached out to You through the psalms

finding You there in the poems.

O Lord, I need a quick answer

I can only take so much uncertainty

Don't take too long to consider our answer

I'll die before I hear from You.

Let's get together for a stroll at dawn

at our accustomed retreat

Reveal to me then the road that we should take

for in You our hope and future depends.

Naturally Lord, we want to be healed

and we look to You as the Great Physician

But Lord, we leave matters in Your hands

and to the healing ministry of Your Son

Let Your gracious Spirit lead me

no matter what the course should be.

I'd like to think our healing would honor You

and Your blessing reflect back upon You.

As You are compassionate, I offer my prayer

please turn back the ravages of disease

for we are Your servants.

Amen

Caldwell, ID
July 8, 2001

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Psalm 30

I praise You, O Lord

for you have honored my request

You have not allowed this disease

to wreak havoc over me.

O Lord, God of all life

I cried out to You in my anguish

And you healed me

and removed this curse from me.

You brought me from the brink, Lord

kept me from entering the grave.

I will faithfully tell my generations

crediting you for my healing

Disease triumphs only briefly

where the Lord is, there is life.

At night one goes to bed weeping

but rises at dawn to joy.

Physical vigor marked my early years

I didn't anticipate trouble ahead

Those were wonderful years, Lord

You made me as strong as a mountain

But when the trouble came

I was humbled and brought down

I called upon my Lord and Savior

to You I made a direct appeal

What is there to be gained from my death

from sending me to the grave

Can the dust of the earth praise You?

can the dead declare your faithfullness?

Hear O Lord, and have mercy upon me

O Lord, You are my redeemer.

You turned my travail into dancing

transformed terror into joy

I will unceasingly sing Your praises

O Lord, I will honor you forever.

Amen

Walla Walla, WA
July 9, 2001

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Psalm 65

Praise is due You, my Lord and my God

a debt of gratitude is owed You

All mankind owes you gratitude

You who hears my prayer.

When my sins were overwhelming me

You stepped forward to forgive me

Happy I am that I accepted Your fellowship

Your offer of time in your presence

I have been sated by Your blessings

Found around me in Our secluded retreat

Your awesome presence has brought me victory

My Lord, I wait upon You to deliver

The whole earth and the distant seas

are all controlled by You

You built the mountain ranges

and defined the hours of the night

You who can quiet the raging seas

can do the same for my life

Those who live in the most remote places

find evidence of You to inspire them

The peoples of the east shout your praises

as also do those from the far west

You are the one who irrigates the earth

and greatly enriches it with nutrients

The canals of the Lord are full of water

providing foodstuffs for all mankind

The furrows are full of water

overflowing the ridges

You soften the earth with gentle rain showers

You promote the growth of vegetation

You crown the year with a bountiful harvest

abundance spills into the byways

The pastures are deep with growth

the hills encompassed with joy

The meadows are now filled with flocks

the valleys mantled with grain

The whole earth lifts forth praises

the earth has broken into song.

Amen

Caldwell, ID
July 10, 2001

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Psalm 6

Hear ye, O hear ye, everybody!

Sing the glory of God's name

make glorious His praise

shout out to God and say

awesome are your deeds

the human body cowers before You

All nature bows down before You

sing hymns to You

and anthems to Your name

Come, see what the Lord has done

who is the original Creator

who is called the Great Physician

For He has turned back my disease

He has stopped the dreaded results

Therefore, I rejoice in Him

He rules over the body's organs

and understands every pathway

keeping check on my immune system

Friends, celebrate with me His accomplishment

He who gave me life

has steadied my health

You have tried me, O God

refined me to nine nines

and tested my spirit

You have saved me from the medical system

loosed me from the medical-industrial trap

freed me from anguish and pain

You placed me with godly physicians

they have led me through the fire

renewing both my body and spirit

I come to my sheltering retreat

I'm here to stroll with You

to be renewed by Your presence

With my own lips I must speak

the expressions of my heart

the outflowing of my soul

I offer my life to You

sanctifying everything I do

I give my all to You

Come and hear, my fellow believers

let me tell you what God can do

how he has entered my life

I called out to God in my distress

glorifying God with my words

with the meditations of my heart

Had I had bad intentions

the Lord would never have listened

nor been inclined to me

But God did listen!

He understood my petition

He knew my innermost thoughts

Blessed is the Lord who answered me

faithfully cared for me

and honored me with His presence.

Amen

Caldwell, ID
July 11, 2001

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Psalm 71

O Lord, when I come here to meet You

I am never disappointed

You are my benefactor, You saved me

You heard my prayers and healed me

You are the retreat where I may always go

surety of my deliverance, forever

My God has healed me from disease

from the ravages of my own body

O Lord, you have been my only hope

I've trusted in you since my youth

While yet in my mother's womb

my life was dependent on You

My distress has made me an example

a demonstration of Your power

I will ever speak of Your greatness

giving glory to You for my healing

Now, stay with me as I grow old

be intimate with me in my elder years.

For there are those who may still wonder

is he still lucid and rational?

Has his body really been healed

or is he just high on drugs?

O Lord come near, let me whisper

Lord show them what you can do

Let them wonder no more

let the tests make it clear.

As for me it is a settled manner

I'm already singing your praises

With these words I'm telling the world

of Your control over my disease

Here Lord, I praise your mighty healing

I give credit to You and You alone

From my youth You have given me life

serving You through my occupation

Even as I grow old I will serve you

testifying to a new generation

Telling of our strolls together

and of our conversations

Your love for me is as high as the satellites above

You have demonstrated great things

O Lord, You are without peer!

You have seen through all of it

You have seen me through trouble and disease

You have renewed my body and spirit

You have honored me with this disease

You have brought comfort to my soul

How then can not I be lyrical

telling everyone of your powerful healing

I will sing Your praises forever

O hold God, Lord of my soul

I can't stop talking, I'm ebullient

my whole body trembles with joy

How can I stop talking about You

before those who come near.
Amen

Park City, UT
July 12, 2001

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Psalm 86

O Lord, I am here to speak with You bluntly

please listen to me carefully

I urgently need to hear Your answer

Preserve my life for I believe I'm worthy

You, O my God, my Lord

deliver Your trusting servant

Have mercy on me, O Lord

for I've been trying to get Your attention

for You Lord, are my only hope

For You Lord, are gracious and understanding

forgiving and abundant in love

hearing all who call on You

Hear O Lord, my prayer

respond to my plea for mercy

bring healing to my body

I'm in dire need as I call

for You to consider my case

for You to give me Your answer.

There is no other like You, O Lord

You are the Creator of the world

You continue to reign over all

You as creator of this body of mine

You know every biochemical pathway

You can repair my immune system

As the Creator of all life

You know how to sustain the body

You alone have the answer, O God

Teach me Your way, O God

is there some way I can assist?

some way we can work together?

For my part, I will praise You

fill my heart with gladness

and honor Your name forever

For Your unfailing love for me is given

Salvation to me offered

You have sealed me for eternity.

O God, medical science is working with me

not understanding Your role in healing

they are not mindful of Your role

But You, O God, are my God

compassionate and merciful

abounding in steadfast love and faithfullness

Place Your healing hands upon me

renew the vibrancy of my lungs

and give understanding to my son as well

I'm looking for an indication of Your favor

a sign even science would recognize

because You, O Lord have given me life.

Amen

Park City, UT
July 13, 2001

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Psalm 89

I will sing of the Lord's steadfast love forever

to my grandchildren I'll speak of Your faithfullness

Your steadfast love is confirmed forever

In the air I breathe You demonstrate your faithfullness.

I have made a covenant with My chosen one

I made a commitment to my servant David

"I will be with your lineage forever

I will always be with your descendants."

Your wonders, O Lord, are praised in heaven

Your faithfullness by the holy angels

For who in heaven can equal the Lord

who can compare among the Divine

My God greatly is respected at the heavenly council

held in awe by all around Him

O Lord, God of heaven and earth

who is mighty like You, O Lord

Evidence of Your power swirls around You

You rule over the billowing sea

You control the earth's weather systems

and the continental plates obey You

You crush might nations at will

a sweep of Your arm dismisses them

The entire world is under Your control

after all, You designed everything

North to south, latitude and longitude

You created them all

The Sierras and the Rockies You created

displaying Your power to build

Your power to create is awesome

and You have used it for a noble purpose

Righteousness and justice are your forte

steadfast love and faithfulness your hallmark.

Happy I am, O Lord to know You

and to stroll with You each day

I rejoice in our communion all day long

and bask in Your righteousness

For it is in Your aura that I dwell

my life blessed by Your presence

Truly Lord, I walk in Your footprints

O holy One of eternity

Through the Psalms You have revealed Yourself

You have the power to heal my affliction

You anointed Your servant David

is it too much to ask the same for me?

You chose David from among his clan

You can single me out for anointing as well

Your hand was constantly over him

I petition the same for me

The enemy held no sway over him

I'm asking You to contain my disease

You crushed David's adversaries

please, bring my disease under control

Your faithfulness and love were with him

I'm Your constant companion too

He was given a nation bounded by the sea

I'm waiting to see what you'll do for me

He spoke right up to You, I'm not bashful either

You are my Father, God and Deliverance

You brought him to prominence

making him the highest king

You pledged Your steadfast love to him

will You do any less for me?

You established his lineage forever

will you do the same for me?

If your generations forsake me

and don't live by my covenant

If they violate natural law

and do not obey my commandments

I will take notice and bring them to heel

directing them back to the path

For I will not withdraw my steadfast love

I will not betray my faithfulness

I will not break my promise to You

nor change any of my commitments

I have pledged my word, once and forever

I did not lie to David, nor I to you

His line shall continue forever

as a witness for all time

As certainly as the sun is in the sky

and the moon watches over the night.

Yet, on occasion David was humbled

and Your furry was revealed

Seemingly Your covenant was broken

and his dignity destroyed

You swept away his defenses

shattered his independence

He became open season to his enemies

and the butt of his neighbors jokes

You made his adversaries look good

and brought joy to his enemies

You took away his prowess in battle

so he couldn't sustain the fight

You withdrew his regal splendor

and took away his throne

You forced him to age quickly

You humiliated him.

So, O Lord, how long must I wait for healing?

How long will I suffer with this disease?

Remember, You only promised three score and ten

will this decade of my life be in vain?

I know I won't live forever, I face death

who can avoid that octopus?

I remind You Lord of Your steadfast love

first pledged to Your servant David

Remember, O Lord, I'm Your servant too

I've borne witness to You

Yet this disease still torments me

every step of the way I count on You.

Blessed is the Lord forever

Amen and Amen

Riverside, CA
July 14, 2001

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Psalm 91

O how lovely is our meeting place

a garden stroll with the Most High

The Lord is my refuge and sustainer

my God in whom I place my trust

That he will save me from this scourge

from this debilitating disease.

He has covered me with His cloak

and I find refuge beside Him

His arm is across my shoulder

I'm snuggled against his side.

I rest comfortably through the night

never fearing what the new day offers

Though this disease is relentless

and seemingly there is no way to stop it.

Countless others become depressed each day

but I will not be overcome

You will see it with your own eyes

I will not be among them.

Because the Lord, He is my refuge

God Almighty is my haven

My spirit will not be broken

no disease overwhelm my soul.

For His angels enfold me

and protect me wherever I go

They cradle me in their hands

lest I should become discouraged.

I can move forward confidently

not fearing where treatment will go.

I will deliver you because of your devotion

I will heal you, for we are friends

You asked for healing and I answer

I will be with you in your distress.

I will honor your petition for healing

I will let you live to a ripe old age

I have shown you My favor

and granted you My salvation.

Riverside, CA
July 15, 2001

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Psalm 139

 

O Lord, You are my Physician

and You know all of my secrets

You know when I inhale and when I exhale

You even perceive my thoughts

You have seen me walking and reclining

You simply know everything

You have heard everything I have spoken

O Lord, I wish You knew less

When my disease was first diagnosed

You put Your arm around my shoulders

My disease is terminal, beyond medical help

and You have taken over my case.

Would I want to escape from Your Spirit?

or want to leave your presence?

If I fled with the dawn

coming to rest on the western horizon

There too, I'd sense Your guiding presence

find Your strong right arm leading.

If I think illness separates me from You

I'd better reconsider the idea

For health and sickness are part of this life

illness often drawing us closer together

Remember, it is You who animated my body

You nurtured me in my mother's womb

I am awesomely and wondrously made

a marvelous creation I know well

My embryonic development is known to You

You charted my me as I grew

Your own eyes saw my limbs forming

You noted every nuance and change

In due course I was complete

every organ and system in harmony.

How comprehensive is Your knowledge

O God, how vast is Your experience

Like the grains of sand at the seashore

I'm speechless, dumb before You

O God, if You would only control this disease

and shackle this demon within

The disease that destroys this body

which You fearfully and wonderfully made

I remind You, O Lord, this is Your body

the one You fashioned for me

My own immune system assaults it

it's the enemy within.

Reexamine my case, O Lord

and do what is Your will

Pierce through my weakness

and do what is best for me

Sweep away impediments to my recovery

and guide me on the eternal path.

Riverside, CA
July 16, 2001

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Psalm 27

The Lord is my strolling companion

I'm ever confident when I'm with Him

The Lord is the center of my life

we face the future together.

My immune system is attacking my lungs

relentlessly reducing my breath

The inflammation must be defeated

the progress of the disease halted.

But, even if other organs get involved

I will have no fear

Should I become incapacitated

I will still be confident.

But Lord, I do have one request

one small petition to ask

Keep my mind and spirit fresh

all the days of my life.

That we may continue to converse

to frequent our garden retreat.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulders

nestle me by your side

Grant me Your protection

keep my attitude positive

Keep my head up with sparkling eye

don't let the disease discourage me

Let me worship You joyfully

reciting and singing a psalm.

O Lord, my breath is failing

come Lord, draw near -- I whisper

My heart is calling out for You

please Lord, press close

O Lord, I need You especially close

for I sense that the end is near

Do not forsake me in this hour

do not get busy elsewhere

Do not forsake me or abandon me

O God, my salvation.

My mother and father have predeceased me

they're not here for comfort

Lord, You are my companion

guide me through this veil

Do not let others see my anguish

let me keep my dignity.

I see a heavenly garden now

a place with my body restored

Ah, I have the assurance

we'll stroll there together.

When I look to the Lord

I am strong and courageous

I look to the Lord

and I am sated.

Riverside, CA
July 17, 2001

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Psalm 41

 

Happy I've been while caring for the needy

for the Lord rewards me more than them

The Lord hovers over me and blesses me

and I am sated with contentment

I am not subject to pleasing others

because the Lord is my companion

The Lord especially sustained me during illness

transforming my sickness into a blessing

I called unto the Lord, "have mercy on me,

heal me, for I'm humbled by this disease."

My critics spoke openly about me

"when will he die and move on"

Some piously came to visit me

but once outside, they snickered

They gossiped about my condition

imagined the worst future for me

"We won't have to contend with him again,

he'll not rise from his bed"

Even friends who have sat at my table

have been utterly false to me

But You, O Lord, had the last word

my return to health repaid them

I know you are pleased with me

and my critics are speechless

You rewarded my trust in You

and I now snuggle here by Your side.

Blessed is the Lord, O my God

forever and forever.

Amen, amen

Riverside, CA
July 18, 2001

---

 

Psalm 42

 

Like a person desiccating in the desert

my spirit cries out to You, O God

My soul thirsts for my divine Companion

I'm ready for my morning stroll.

Discouragement has frequently been my lot

I'm tempted to ask, "Where are You my God?"

In anguish my soul wells up within me

Lord, You created me a loner - a soloist

I've moved through life among strangers

marching to another drummers beat.

Quiet, my spirit, my soul

why must you torment me from within

My peace comes from an inner dwelling

my garden strolls with my God.

But Lord, this morning, I am discouraged

I'm here thinking about my condition

This body's my earthly dwelling place

and though marred, not at all bad

My focus has been on serving others

and bringing forth another generation

By day I'm in your faithful care

at night I sleep contentedly

My evensong commits me to You

I awaken to your whisper

I inquire this morning, my God

Where are You today?

Are You working on my disease?

are You healing my body?

This disease is suffocating me

my lungs are failing me!

Oh, my spirit you are speaking again

why do you always butt in?

My hope is in my God

I'll praise him again today

For my God is always with me

not just at the break of day.

Amen

Vancouver, WA
July 19, 2001

---

 

Psalm 49

 

My friends, I have something to say

this is the testimony of my soul

I'm sharing hard won wisdom

I didn't learn this easily

It's and important theme

one with eternal consequences

In times of disease and trouble

it's easy to become discouraged

We all turn to our human resources

to coping and indomnability

But, what can a person do

to redeem even their own soul?

Or to pay God for what He has done

for the price of a life is too high

So it is that life ultimately ceases

because no one lives forever

What, you think you will live eternally

and never see the grave?

The wise understand that they will die

because both wise and foolish die

The grave is the body's eternal home

a dwelling place for all generations

In this regard, my body's no different

than all the animal kingdom.

But, you see this is only partially true

it's the for those lacking wisdom

Sheep-like they head for the grave

with death as the shepherd

At daybreak the living bury them

and their body rots in the earth

But, my God will redeem me

and remove me from this world!

Therefore, don't anguish over my death

it's only my body that's leaving

My words I'm leaving behind

and the memories of my life

Memorialize me and remember me

and say nice things about me

But I'll be gone like my ancestors

and I will not see daylight again

But, the insightful will know

I'm still strolling with my God.

Amen

Vancouver, WA
July 20, 2001

---

 

Psalm 45

 

O Lord, I need to speak with You

please listen to me carefully

I urgently need to have Your attention

please do not ignore my plea

For my whole body is reeling

every system is out of kilter

The drug therapy that I'm taking

is more disrupive than my disease

Therapy brings even greater symptoms

with greater disabilities than before

Is this Your way for me to regain my health

or am I running ahead of You?

I fumble and drop things

my fingers act independently

I bump into objects and stumble

my feet shuffle under me

I'm left breathless by the slightest exertion

and have trouble walking a slope

My nights are sleepless

getting only half the rest I need

My ankles, calves, and face are puffy

my skin taunt, bruised, and sore

There is a constant melody

always droning in my head.

O Lord, if I only had wings

I'd fly away from all of this

O, how I would soar with eagles

or dart with the humming birds

I would find our garden retreat

I'd soon be on a stroll with You

O Lord, is this drug therapy Your method

of confronting my disease?

Your way of adjusting my immune system

and bringing it back in balance?

or has the medical treatment

hindered Your efforts to heal me?

But, these are not my only concerns

where, I ask, are my friends?

Have I isolated myself from their fellowship

are they all on vacation?

They are my equals and companions

and sweet has been their friendship

We have walked a lifetime together

and reared a new generation

My family too, O Lord

seem distant and remote

I am alone, O my Lord,

with You only as my Companion.

It is the Sabbath day and I'm alone

alone except for my conversation with You

Once again, another sleepless night

I'm moaning and complaining to You

Pouring out my anguish

to the only listening ear I know

You have always been my refuge

my place of solace and retreat

It is our morning strolls in the psalms

that sustain me and heals my spirit

Giving me hope of healing

encouraging me I'll finish my task.

You my God have reigned from the beginning

You are the world's Creator

I cast my burdens on You, O Lord

You are the animator of my life

You never fail to hear my pleas

and honor my requests for help

You honor me with Your presence

on our daily garden strolls

For You, O Lord, have dominion

even over the grave

And will bring me forth

to stroll with You forever.

Amen

Vancouver, WA
July 21, 2001

---

Sabbath Psalm

 

O Lord, what a blessed Sabbath

a day of beauty and rest

Today I strolled with You in a garden

A Japanese garden on a hill.

I feel a gentle breeze eddying about me

Your Spirit caressing my cheek

I hear Your gentle voice in the waterfall

the babbling brook echoes Your words

A shimmering maple delights my eyes

a red maple reminds me of Your gift

A gentle lady retrieves a piece of refuse

and I too improve another site

The Koi are swimming gracefully

reminding me of your perseverance

Quietness, gentleness, and peace are here

"be still, and know that I am Your God."

Certainly You have been with me here today

strolling together in this sanctuary

O Lord, what a blessed Sabbath

a day of reflection and rest.

Portland, OR
July 21, 2001

---

 

Psalm 63

 

O Lord, You are my God

I'm eager to be with You

My soul yearns to be with You

my body aches to be in Your presence

Like the desert following rain

I'm eager to spring back to life

Yesterday we strolled together in our garden

Your beauty and grace on display

Your presence is better than life

my psalm expressed my praise

My words bless You

my work expresses my gratitude

I am sated by feasting

I'm ebullient with joy

Through the night I think of You

writing psalms of praise to You

For You are my physician

I'm under Your constant care

I am filled with joy

there is no other like You.

May this disease that ravages my lungs

retreat and be eliminated

May this uncontrolled immune system

return to normal functioning

Till then, I shall rejoice in my God

and swear allegiance to Him

For the octopus of death is defeated

and life eternal is mine.

Amen

Vancouver, WA
July 22, 2001

---

Psalm 92

 

I enjoy expressing my affecion for You, O Lord

and writing psalms to You, O Most High

Expressing my love for You at daybreak

acknowledging Your faithfulness at sunset

Praising You through my meditations

and with the expressions of my heart

I rejoice in what you have done for me

I'm overjoyed by Your care, O Lord

The human body is the wonder of Your creation

every system so intricate and integrated.

Most people neither comprehend it

nor understand its subtleties

Even trained physicians fail to see

the integration of body and spirit.

O Lord, You are my Creator and my Physician.

But Lord, this old body has its challenges

my immune system is out of balance

One of my body's intricate systems

is attacking my own lungs!

From before birth You had a plan for my life

You anointed me for a special work

I long to see Your healing touch

to seeing my lungs restored

For You have promised vigor in old age

and abundant strength in serving You

Testifying of Your lifelong care

and how You have led in my life.

This then, O Lord, is my prayer

this then is my life, O my God.

Auburn, WA
July 23, 2001

---

Psalm 102

 

O Lord, I bring You my petition

let be bring my prayer before You

Do not be distracted by other matters

I need Your full attention

Please listen carefully to my plea

when I ask, please answer quickly

My future appears to be limited

I for I'm running out of breath

My body has be stricken by disease

my lung capacity is decreasing daily

My face is puffed up with edema

my ankles and legs are enlarged

I'm as sleepless as an owl

prowling around at 3:00 a.m.

I am awake much of the night

alone, seeking something to do

Friends I meet offer me advice

seeking only the very best for me

They recommend a special diet

and healing through exercise and herbs

But the deepest concern I have

is that my own behaviors have cause this

That today my suffering is caused

by some inattention or habit in my past

My days appear as a lengthening shadow

a shadow cast long at sunset.

But You, O Lord, are the Great Physician

You are Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer

Surely You will give attention to my needs

for the time has come for You to step in

Your faithful servants will be delighted to see

You do what medical science cannot

For it is You, O Lord, who created the world

and only You knows my cure.

You have heard my prayer for healing

and not turned a deaf ear

I'm writing this down for all to know

posting it on the Internet as my witness

For from beyond earth You heard me

responding to my personal need

You heard my pleas for assistance

and released me from this disease

That I may speak of your redemption

comforting other sufferers of this malady

Gathering the afflicted together

turning hearts to You.

The course of drug therapy was debilitating

it afflicted me every day

I prayed for You to sweep away my disease

and return me to full vigor

You, O my God, know neither beginning nor end

for Your life is endless

It is You who created the world

and everything found herein

But, even the earth is growing old

ravaged by use and population

But You are steadfast and faithful

You are the same, You are agless

As your servant I live in that security

and my grandchildren will dwell with You.

Amen

Lynwood, WA
July 24, 2001

---

Psalm 116

 

I love the Lord, O my God

because he knows me personally

He recognizes my voice and answers me

he hears my pleas and listens

llness and disease wracked my body

debilitating disease attached my lungs

The octopus of death threatened me

the chasm of the grave yawned

In anguish I called upon the Lord

"O Lord, save my life."

My Lord is gracious and considerate

my God, above all, compassionate

My Lord protects even the simple

I was humbled, and he saved me

My soul is once again at peace

for the Lord has favored me

You O Lord, have delivered me from death

dried my tears and animated my body

Once again I can get out in public

enjoying gracious dining with dear friends

Suffering has increased my trust in the Lord

and illness has produced a blessing.

How then can I repay the Lord

for the blessings that He has given me?

I toast the Lord for my deliverance, L'Chaim

I joyfully praise the name of the Lord

I will give my life unto the Lord

and I will be seen working for Him

For the death of God's faithful

is abhorrent to my Lord.

O Lord, I'm here at Your service

I'm waiting for Your direction

I thank You and praise Your name

I accept Your reign in my life

I will acknowledge Your role in my life

here and in the house of worship.

Hallelujah, amen.

Rosario Beach, WA
July 25, 2001
Dedicated to Jim & Mary Wilson

---

Psalm 122

 

I rejoice because it's the Sabbath day

"I'm going to the House of the Lord."

I have come to my place of worship

a congregation of all ethnicity's

A place where the peoples of the earth gather

all coming to praise the Lord

Here are the memorials of Your leading

etched in the faces of the saints

I pray for the nations of the world

"May those who love You be at peace"

May there be harmony in the congregation

and peace within this sanctuary

I especially pray for family and friends

for their healing and health

For the sake of this House of the Lord

Bless our congregation with Your presence.

Portland International Airport, OR
July 26, 2001

Psalm 123

 

To You, O Lord, my God Almighty

I turn my attention, asking Your help

As the compass tracks the pole

as the Orcas follow the Salmon

My eyes are trained on the Lord, my God

I am awaiting Your blessing.

Bless me with healing, my Lord

remove this debilitating disease

I've had enough of this contemptuous illness

my own immune system turning on me

Long enough I've endured drug therapy

and been brought low by side effects.

Portland International Airport, OR
July 26, 2001

Psalm 127

 

Unless my life is centered on the Lord

I live my life in vain

Unless the Lord is guiding me

my best efforts come to naught

In vain I rise early to work

and toil late into the night

Working hard to support my family

but forgetting it is You who provides.

Children are a gift of the Lord

a product of a couples love

Like an investment in the future

children are born to young couples

Happy is the man with a family

for they bring great happiness

And they shall bring forth grandchildren

bringing special happiness in old age.

Salt Lake City International Airport, UT
July 26, 2001

---

Psalm 128

 

A happy servant of the Lord I am

always following His lead

I enjoy the benefits of our collaboration

eagerly responding to His direction

Laurentine and I have been blessed

with children, now grown

Thus, I feel especially blessed

living under my Lord's watchful care.

My Lord has given me spiritual blessings

and supplied my physical needs

I have led a bountiful life

and lived to see grandchildren

My life is at peace

I'm dwelling in the Lord's shadow.

Riverside, CA
July 27, 2001

Psalm 130

 

In anguish I call, my Lord

at a desperate time I need You

My Lord, please listen to my petition

hear my prayer for mercy

If You're charting my sins, my Lord

how can I survive the judgment

But You have the power to forgive

what an awesome power that is.

I look to You, my Lord

I wait for words of acceptance

I'm more eager to hear my Lord

than a groom at the altar.

I wait for my Lord to be revealed

to demonstrate His steadfast love

to display His power to forgive

and to cure me of my disease.

Riverside, CA
July 27, 2001

---

Psalm 131
Contentment

 

O Lord, I am a humble person

neither haughty nor proud

I do not aspire for recognition

no career path looms before me

For I am content with where I am

snuggled under your right arm

Like a grandchild that has been sated

at his mother's breast

I bask in Your presence, O Lord

now and for as long as I live.

Riverside, CA
July 28, 2001

---

Psalm 138

 

With all my heart I praise You, my God

openly sing hymns to your greatness

I worship You in the sanctuary

I praise Your steadfast love and faithfullness

Because, you are my God

my Creator, Deliverer, and Sustainer

O Lord, even unbelievers must recognize You

for they have seen Your power to heal

They too acknowledge your wondrous creation

"Great is the majesty of the Lord." A

s awesome as You are, my Lord

You had time to consider my needs

Though I lived with a dreadful lung disease

You gave me courage to live each day

You extended Your healing hand to me

with Your right arm You delivered me

You rebalanced my immune system

and restored my lung capacity

After all, this body is Your creation

and You knew what to do

O Lord, Your steadfast love is eternal

Your faithfulness is for ever.

Riverside, CA
July 28, 2001

---

Psalm 141

 

O Lord, draw near to me in my time of trouble

hear my plea for Your guidance

Accept my heartfelt prayer of petition

my arms are outstretched to You

O Lord, help me guard the words I speak

and watch over what I have to say

Let my thoughts be noble and pure

keep me from sinful practices

For this world is full of secular thinking

but, let me feast at Your banquet table

Lord, I accept the reproof due me

and look to You for new directions

My faith still looks for Your leading

while others scramble for position

Let the search committees be dazzled

let my words be misunderstood

Confound their vain reasoning

confuse the product of their thinking

For my eyes are fixed on You, my Lord

I take refuge in Your leading

I escaped the trap laid before me

You led me through the morass

Let the consequences of their plans

be contrasted with Your leading me.

Riverside, CA
July 28, 2001

---

Psalm 142

 

In anguish I cry aloud to my Lord

I urgently appeal for wisdom

I pour out my needs before You

my uncertain spirit laid bare

You know what my disease has done to me

the difficult choices that I must make

I can place my faith in medical treatment

using drugs and facing surgery

Or, I can look to You for divine healing

trusting in Your awesome power

his is my pledge to You, my Lord

You are my refuge in this world

Listen to me, for I'm brought low

guide me in the treatment to follow

Infuse my therapy with Your healing power

and guide my physicians in their choices

Free me from the bleak future I face

that I may praise Your name

The God fearing will rejoice with me

celebrating Your gracious love for me.

Riverside, CA
July 29, 2001

---

Psalm 144

 

Blessed is my Lord, my firm foundation

upon whom my life is securely built

My strolling companion

my Creator, Deliverer, and Sustainer

O Lord who am I that You care this way

a mortal man as Your companion?

My life is not much, like a breath

my days quietly passing like a shadow

O Lord, step into our garden retreat

I'm eager to spend time together

I've seen your power in the rolling thunder

and lightening dance on the mountains

Come quietly to me from your place on high

and rescue me from my disease

For my own immune system betrays me

I'm being attacked from within.

O Lord, I will sing You a song of deliverance

new insights I've gained from this

You are the great physician

You alone can direct my healing

Guide the judgments of my medical team

as they work on our behalf

Save me for the hands of skillful surgeons

make their experience unnecessary.

Lord, I have a wonderful family

a godly wife You gave me

A son eagerly entering his place of service

his wife gifted in the musical arts

A daughter, the virtuous, loving mother of two

her husband a tower of strength in You

You have provided the necessities of life

and abundance on many occasions

The retirement years are clearly in sight

I'm looking forward to the change of pace

I'm living peacefully with my colleagues

fully enjoying my final career.

Happy I am Lord, to have it so

Happy to be hear in fellowship with You.

Riverside, CA
July 30, 2001

---

Psalm 146

Hallelujah

 

Praise the Lord, O my spirit

with the breath within me, praise

I will praise the Lord with my life

dedicating my service to my Lord.

I will not trust in the world's greatest

for mortals can not heal me

For when my last breath is taken

they can not stop my body's decay

For on that day my creativity ends

and there is nothing more for me.

My strolling Companion is my physician

my hope is in my Lord

Creator of the entire universe

the designer of this body of mine

Who is steadfast and faithful

will balance my immune system

Who brings justice to the oppressed

will nurture my vital forces

The Lord who releases the hostages

unleashes the forces of healing

The Lord who cures the arthritics

is eager to energize my lungs

The Lord who sustains the needy

sees my needs better than I

The Lord encourages the widows and orphans

attentively supervises my therapy.

For the Lord, my God, is eternal

Your God, my family, forever. Hallelujah

Riverside, CA
July 31, 2001

---

Psalm 147

Hallelujah

 

Through the Psalms I praise my Lord

expressing my praise joyfully.

My Lord is the great Physician

bringing healing to broken bodies

He reenergizes diseased lungs

wiping away pulmonary fibrosis

My Lord created the immune system

and can bring it back into balance

He designed the body to heal itself

creating a dynamic wholeness

My Lord's healing is universal

benefiting no social class.

With an exuberant spirit I sing a song of praise

expressing a Psalm in my own words

The Lord created my nervous system

and a brain to direct the body

He conceived human intelligence

and the capacity for compassion

My Lord does not reward arrogance

nor value the egos of men

But my Lord values fellowship

and those who depend on His faithfulness.

I was born for a special purpose

my Lord had a plan for my life

For He made my youthful body strong

and blessed me with children

My life has been dedicated to His service

we've always labored together

Grandchildren have been born

a new generation is beginning

He yearns to bring me healing

and return me to abundant health.

My Lord orders the medical treatment

organizes a team of physicians

He lays out a plan of attack

and they execute His directives

His therapy goes to the root of the problem

and healing commences at once

His approach optimizes the body's systems

and pulmonary function increases

His instructions guide the medical team

the laws of nature work with Him.

My Lord's beneficence is direct to me

and my healing is assured.

Hallelujah

Riverside, CA
August 1, 2001

---

Psalm 5

 

Listen to what I have to say, O Lord

pay close attention to the nuances

Respond to my urgent appeal

O my Lord and my God

I raise my vice to you at daybreak

I patiently await Your answer.

For You are a God of healing

and illness is not in Your plan

You did not create these lungs to misfunction

but to energize my body and spirit

You created me for abundant living

and for a life of service to You.

Through Your abundant love I come

I bow down in Your presence

O Lord, give me the guidance I need

clearly indicate how to proceed

For I can not trust the advise of others

nor give heed to their council.

I lay the treatment plan before You

asking You to transform it

Let the methodology be of Your choosing

bringing the results You desire

Let the drug treatment cooperate

with the natural healing process.

As for me, I find solace in You

in jubilantly snuggling at Your side

I will always speak highly of You

and revel in our morning strolls

For You have surely blessed me, O Lord

and shielded me in my troubles.

Amen

Riverside, CA
August 3, 2001

---

Psalm 6

 

O Lord, don't be angry with me

for once again presenting my plea

Have mercy on me, Your servant

heal me, O Lord, for I am terrified

My lungs have been stricken with disease

and I can no longer breathe

Oh Lord, Save me!

For what service can I give if dead

what praises sing from the grave?

I'm weary of all this misery

worn out by all my problems

My eyes are blood shot and sore

my tears accomplish nothing

Away, all of you with remedies

for my Lord has heard my appeal

My Lord has heard my plea

and answered my prayer

For my immune system has been balanced

and the course of my disease halted.

Riverside, CA
August 4, 2001

---

Psalm 7

 

O Lofd, most high, You are my shelter

deliver me from my difficulties

Lest I become so utterly destroyed

that restoring me would be impossible

O Lord, most high, if only I were guilty

and responsible for my circumstances

f through carelessness I had caused harm

but I have lived a circumspect life

It would then be fair to bear the results

and see this body accept the inevitable

Rouse, O Lord, in full majesty

insert Yourself into my case

Take a good look at the facts in this instance

render a fair judgment for me

Assemble Your heavenly host about You

give Your team instructions for me

For my Lord makes insightful decisions

acknowledging the righteous and blameless

Bring my immune system back into balance

release the healing forces within me

I look to my Lord for healing

to bring my body back to health

For my Lord created this body of mine

and knows how every part interacts

While I've followed the treatment of physicians

I trusted in You to guide them

I've taken a difficult course of drugs

trusting You have directed their selection

Now the results are being manifested

this difficult treatment followed

The final outcome is not immediately seen

but I trust in what is in store for me

Yes, this has been a difficult experience

my metal has been tested

It seems like I'm in a deepening pit

that an octopus has grasped me

But You, O my Lord, are my strolling companion

we converse here each morning

I will sing praises to You, most high

as long as there is breath within me

will meet You in the wee hours

as long as life is given to me.

Riverside, CA
August 5, 2001

---

Psalm 8

 

O Lord, my Lord and strolling companion

I am here to commune with You

I see Your majestic handiwork everywhere

the universe celebrating Your splendor

The gentle cooing of a newborn grandchild

is the praise of a new creation

Evidence of Your power and strength abound

for those willing to examine it

I see Your awesome creative power

in the creation of the moon and the stars

But, You still have time to meet me each morning

a mortal man chosen as Your friend

You have given me a marvelously intricate body

and shared with me the ability to create

You have given me a world to master

opening vast opportunities for service

A world to influence and help

a healing ministry to share

O Lord, my Lord, and strolling companion

I am here to serve You today.

Riverside, CA
August 6, 2001

---

L'Chaim

Lord, I have known you from birth

conceived to grow daily in your grace,

I sing praises to your name

from dawn I offer my devotion,

You are lover, creator and mother

and the wind of my soul,

All day I speak of your love

reinterpreting your gifts to me,

Shout, daughter of the Most High

and tell my grandchildren,

For you are spirit and life

mother of a new generation,

For, lo, I have been struck dumb

my breath is no longer in me,

My son attends me day and night

he gives me my salvation,

Now, he carries the torch

he will light the world,

I hear your voice in the evening

I sense you're call me home,

See the sparkle in my eye

and know I'm eagerly coming,

I hear the angels singing now

Hallelujah, alleluia, amen.

Dedicated to my family
and those who suffer from pulmonary fibrosis

Riverside, California
June 23, 2001

Website copyright © 2002

by

William M. Allen